I recently heard something that stopped me for a second:
“you can only love others to the extent that you love yourself. “
Sound cliché? You've probably heard some version of it before. But I found myself actually sitting with it. What does that actually mean, to love yourself?
I'm still figuring it out myself. Not in the abstract, but in the actual, ordinary moments of a week: the small choices and the big ones. Setting aside time for the things I care about. Following a passion instead of talking myself out of it. Those all count. But lately I've been wondering if that's really it, or if self-love is something underneath those choices, the thing that makes them possible in the first place.
Here's where it lands, for now: self-love isn't a single decision, it's a place you choose to make decisions from. That place is certainty: the quiet knowing that all is well, and that you are worthy exactly as you are. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. You don't have to earn your seat at the table; you already have one. You have the right to follow what you love, the right to be happy, and the right to feel whatever you're feeling in a given moment, without needing to justify it.
I know how that reads. Words on a page. And words can stay just words unless you practice them until they become something you actually believe, in your body, not just your head. That's the part I'm working on: not just knowing this, but repeating it until it's true for me. A mantra, practiced on purpose, consistently, the way you'd practice anything else you wanted to get better at.
So this week, instead of a bigger action step, I want to offer something smaller and quieter.
This Week's Practice: A Self-Love Mantra
You don't need a special time or place for this; a quiet minute in the morning, before bed, or whenever you need to come back to yourself will do.
1. Get settled.
Sit or stand comfortably. Close your eyes if that feels right, or soften your gaze. If it helps, rest one hand on your heart.
2. Breathe, and pair it with words.
Inhale slowly, and silently or out loud, say a phrase to yourself. Exhale, and say another. For example:
Breathe in: I am worthy. Breathe out: I am enough.
Breathe in: I am worthy. Breathe out: I am joyful.
Breathe in: I deserve to be happy. Breathe out: Just as I am.
Use whichever pairing feels right to you. There's no single correct version. The only rule is that it should feel true, or at least like something you want to become true.
3. Repeat.
Do this for five to ten breaths, or longer if you have the time. Let the words settle rather than rushing through them.
4. Repeat it everywhere, as often as you can.
This doesn't have to stay confined to a quiet ritual moment. Say it in the shower, on your commute, while you're waiting in line, walking, or lying in bed before you fall asleep. The more often you repeat it, in as many different moments as possible, the faster it settles in.
Why repetition actually matters.
This isn't just a feel-good technique. There's real science behind it. Your brain physically strengthens the neural pathways it uses most often, a principle neuroscientists call Hebbian plasticity, often summarized as "neurons that fire together, wire together." Each time you repeat a thought, you reinforce the circuit behind it, and with enough repetition it becomes more automatic, more like your default.
That's the whole exercise. Small, and maybe even a little uncomfortable if self-love isn't something you're used to prioritizing. But if the theory is right (that we can only love others to the extent we love ourselves), then this small, quiet, repeatable practice might be one of the most important things we do all week.
See you next week,
Gosia
SOMA Breath® Instructor
Brave Soul Thrive